Strength To Rise

If you were born with the weakness to fall, you were born with the strength to rise. Rupi Kaur I find myself wishing the days away, especially the high pain days. I am a clock

If you were born with the weakness to fall, you were born with the strength to rise.

Rupi Kaur

I find myself wishing the days away, especially the high pain days. I am a clock watcher on those days and look forward to the evening when I can curl up into a ball and let the fight of the day come to an end. It feels like I am just wishing my life away.

I used to be such a morning person. Not now. Now, I find that I no longer look forward to waking up most days. Mainly because I know when I wake up I will be met with an intense ache all over, among other symptoms. I will be overwhelmed and immediately regretful that I have come to and will want to close my eyes, go right back to sleep, and ignore the world.

But, that is not what I do. I get up, or at least I try to. At the very least I acknowledge the day is here, or again, I try to. Most days the pain will try to keep me distracted from life, family, friends, and even from processing my own thoughts.

It is when I struggle that I strengthen. It is when challenged to my core that I learn the depth of who I am.

Steve Maraboli

As I struggle with my body, I struggle with my mind. I fight against the changes that are altering the core of who I am. I know that some changes are for the better, but I have a hard time letting go of who I used to be and what I used to be capable of. I have a tendency to feel somehow ‘less than’ instead of recognizing the positive growth that has come from this.

Growth is inevitable as we go through life and each challenge that we are able to overcome can make us stronger. Through that challenge we learn about our will, our drive, and our determination. We learn where our threshold really is. Just when you think you can’t take any more, you will. I need to remind myself to keep my focus on my strengths, instead of focusing on the things I have lost.

If we don’t change, we don’t grow. If we don’t grow, we aren’t really living

Gail Sheehy

I’ve grown, and not in the way that I thought I would. I don’t think that I would’ve ever slowed down enough before this to really enjoy life, you know? I mean, really enjoy it. I think I just skimmed the surface of life before and now I feel it all, for better or worse. Perhaps life hardens us as we age and something like becoming ill can really put things back in perspective.

Regardless, I am changed. I am not ‘less than’, but I am different. There is a sense of adventure with change that can be very exciting. Otherwise, I think we stay where we feel safe and comfortable. I haven’t felt comfortable for a long while, so I might as well keep doing things that force me outside of my comfort zone. I will continue to rise above it.

5 thoughts on “Strength To Rise

  1. Terrific post! Yes, I have the wishing days away problem and feel guilty that I do. When those high pain days come, I simply wish for the next day knowing I just have to get through it, one step then the next. I was definitely a different person before I got sick. I call myself ‘pre-fibro Kim’ and ‘post fibro Kim.’ But I have learned to enjoy this post-fibro life. It is soooo different, and there are things that mean more to me at a slower pace. We learn to live our best life within our limitations. We find the strength for one more day, then the next, and so on. Finding pleasure in the moment has been a definite gift. ~k.

    1. Yes, exactly! Finding the beauty in what we can do and the new experiences that come with our limitations can be a true gift. Thanks!

  2. This was a wonderfully, beautiful insightful post. I think as we age we def change (some things we are better at & some things are harder) & it’s helpful to change the expectations of ourselves & the expectations we assume others put on us. Life with chronic pain would be much much harder & it would be hard not to judge ourselves harshly for what we ‘believe’ we should be ‘able’ to do. Being kind to yourself is hard when you feel your letting others down but if we’re able to work on letting go of expectations (woulda/coulda/shoulda) I think is when we begin to heal. ❤

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