Random Wednesday Anxiousness

I’m usually a fairly positive person, but I think given the circumstances it’s understandable that I’ve shifted into seeing nothing but negativity around every corner. It’s the same agitation day after day, with no real

I’m usually a fairly positive person, but I think given the circumstances it’s understandable that I’ve shifted into seeing nothing but negativity around every corner. It’s the same agitation day after day, with no real end in sight. Normally, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, but this time I am not sure there is a light, or that I am even in a tunnel. I feel so lost.

Photo by Ondřej Neduchal on Unsplash

Have you ever faced something so impactful in your life that you just don’t see yourself on the other side of it? That’s where I am at right now. It’s completely terrible, and, quite frankly, I have no idea where to go from here, or what to do next.

Things are becoming all too real which just makes me want to run in the opposite direction of everything. I feel betrayed by my own body and mind, and am beyond frustrated by its lack of truth in this situation. It’s like a bad game of hide and seek, and I no longer wish to play.

Is it Me?

I have been fighting so hard against these battles that I didn’t realize how much more difficult I am making all of this on myself. I’m constantly fighting and never really allowing myself to rest. I don’t give myself a break for anything less than what I think I should be capable of.

This is where positive thinking can really make a difference. You’ve got to find a way to look at the bright side of the situation, any situation, even if there doesn’t seem to be one. Find the silver lining that exists somewhere, or be consumed by the pain.

I am searching for the silver lining in this battle, but right now, I can only see the damage from the storm, not the beauty that comes from the rebuilding and rebirth after the destruction. Healing seems light years away and as I’ve stated before, I am not a patient person.

You either get bitter or you get better. It’s that simple. You either take what has been dealt to you and allow it to make you a better person, or you allow it to tear you down. The choice does not belong to fate, it belongs to you.

Josh Shipp

3 thoughts on “Random Wednesday Anxiousness

  1. Sierra, have you taken time to grieve for the pre-illness you? Have you grieved, said your goodbyes and let her go? There is a post illness Sierra that is waiting to meet you. She needs to be listened to, she needs kindness and understanding. I think if you grieve for the old Sierra then allow yourself to move on with the new Sierra you will find out that you just may like this kind, perceptive soul, even better! Give her a chance. x ~Kim

    1. This is such a challenge for me, Kim. I guess the bottom line is that I am still working on acceptance, and this is just another rant on the emotional ride to get there. It’s much harder than I ever thought it would be, and I am proving to be more stubborn than ever. I agree that good changes can come from this, if i’ll let them. 🙂 Thank you for your support Kim!

  2. Sierra, it won’t solve everything but it can’t hurt my sweetie, watch more Star Trek! Uncle Louie swears by it.
    In all seriousness look behind you at the mountains and valleys you’ve already concurred. You got this sweetie, we are all a work in progress. Love you and keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: