Tuesday Tangent

I haven’t been writing lately because to be quite frank, I’ve felt inadequate and foolish. I’ve taken on too much and things have been going downhill fast. I really wanted this new adventure to be

I haven’t been writing lately because to be quite frank, I’ve felt inadequate and foolish. I’ve taken on too much and things have been going downhill fast. I really wanted this new adventure to be something that I could handle, but it turns out that I may have been giving myself more credit than I deserve when it comes to what I am actually capable of. I’ve been going about this all wrong.

I went searching for the parts of myself that I’d lost through having to give up certain things in my life. I wanted to finally be able to go back to doing something I love and feel like ME again. But it has been a long and challenging month and I haven’t felt much like myself through any of it. The increase in pain, fatigue and other symptoms leaves no time to be out living life. I spend most of my free time trying to recover from the damage I’ve caused.

That’s not even the worst part. For me, the worst part is that inevitable moment when your illnesses are running the show, and you end up inconveniencing everyone involved by having to bow out for the day. I really wasn’t prepared for the downward spiral that I am on right now, but I could’ve avoided it if I’d just listened to my body in the first place.

I have a bad habit of not listening when it’s saying “enough already.” I’d almost rather endure the intense physical pain than have to continue to suffer this feeling of worthlessness when I can’t do something. What an awful realization to come to. It’s no wonder this whole situation has got me down.

2 thoughts on “Tuesday Tangent

  1. You aren’t worthless because of your illness. Anyone who knows you and loves would never see you that way. Try to find things you can do that don’t drain your resources physically and mentally. You’re a strong woman, and strong women are not worthless.

  2. How did I miss this post? You are going through an incredible flare in your symptoms. You are NOT worthless. That is your deceptive illness talking. Yes, we can take the pain. The real issue with being chronically ill is when IT takes our sense of self worth and smashes it to a million pieces. This is the ugliness of it. Get mad, fight that feeling… just remove yourself from the eye of this storm and see yourself through the eyes of your husband. He picked you, he stayed with you, he is in love with you. Why? Tell that voice to shut up! You are Sierra, who he loves! Be kind to her, listen to her, take care of her as you are precious and irreplaceable to your spouse. Isn’t that really your most important role? Yes. It is Sierra, there are no buts about that. Just be. ~Kim

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