I haven’t been writing lately because to be quite frank, I’ve felt inadequate and foolish. I’ve taken on too much and things have been going downhill fast. I really wanted this new adventure to be
I haven’t been writing lately because to be quite frank, I’ve felt inadequate and foolish. I’ve taken on too much and things have been going downhill fast. I really wanted this new adventure to be something that I could handle, but it turns out that I may have been giving myself more credit than I deserve when it comes to what I am actually capable of. I’ve been going about this all wrong.
I went searching for the parts of myself that I’d lost through having to give up certain things in my life. I wanted to finally be able to go back to doing something I love and feel like ME again. But it has been a long and challenging month and I haven’t felt much like myself through any of it. The increase in pain, fatigue and other symptoms leaves no time to be out living life. I spend most of my free time trying to recover from the damage I’ve caused.
That’s not even the worst part. For me, the worst part is that inevitable moment when your illnesses are running the show, and you end up inconveniencing everyone involved by having to bow out for the day. I really wasn’t prepared for the downward spiral that I am on right now, but I could’ve avoided it if I’d just listened to my body in the first place.
I have a bad habit of not listening when it’s saying “enough already.” I’d almost rather endure the intense physical pain than have to continue to suffer this feeling of worthlessness when I can’t do something. What an awful realization to come to. It’s no wonder this whole situation has got me down.